On the Move, Part II

I need to stop saying never to things. Honestly, I think that is the lesson God has been impressing on me most clearly the past three years. A friend recently told me she never knows what to expect when she talks to me, which previously firmly held certainties I may be contemplating abandoning. We had a good laugh about it and she mentioned the notion of "holding things loosely". Yes, that is exactly what I'm learning. Here is a short list of things from the recent past that I have said I would never do and that I have had to humbly retract:

*wear skinny jeans
*run a half-marathon
*homeschool (probably the thing I felt MOST confident saying never to. Haha! I'm pretty passionate about homeschooling now.)
*expand our family (I was pretty certain we were complete after Charlie)
*move from this home that I LOVE so completely

This post will focus on that last never.

I never thought I would leave this house because I designed it, I love it, and I would not change anything about it. Mostly though, I thought I'd never leave because I am so grateful for the blessing of it and this house is enough - so much more than enough. I have told God one hundred times that if this is where He would have us forever, I am fine with that. This house was such a gift and I would never want the Giftgiver to think me ungrateful. However, I'm learning that being content, yet holding things loosely is a fine balance. What if He has more for us?  What if He leads us on to something, not necessarily "bigger and better" as the American Dream would teach us we should strive for, but something terrifyingly new and dream-fulfillingly different?

I've had a dream for a very long time. Not a secret, exactly, but not something I ever thought would come true. Not because I couldn't pursue it but because it seemed too hard, and I was not sure I really, truly wanted it. I actually chose not to pursue it because I was afraid I had idealized it, romanticized it, and for many years I probably had.

And then about a year ago, I read "7: an Experimental Mutiny Against Excess" by Jen Hatmaker and was challenged to re-evaluate the consumer-driven life I was leading. I started thinking about what and how much I was purchasing and where it was coming from. Just for fun, I started reading books like How to live on Almost Nothing and Have Plenty: A Practical Introduction to Small-Scale Sufficient Country Living, by Janet Chadwick and The Self-Sufficiency Life and How to Lead It, by John Seymour. I read inspiring blogs like The Prairie Homestead and On Just a Couple Acres. I started canning, buying organic whenever possible, and making my own laundry soap, eye-makeup remover and "no-poo" for my hair (just google it). I hardly knew myself anymore. 

Finally, I read Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature Deficit Disorder, by Richard Louv, and was deeply disturbed by the notion that this current generation, the generation that my children belong to, is the first in history to be so fully plugged in electronically and so wholly unconnected from nature. I suddenly had a vision for the life I wanted my family to have and I was no longer afraid of the hard work that inevitably would be ours if we pursued it. The miracle is that Caleb was given the same vision at the same time and that God opened doors and has orchestrated details in a way that allows me to know this is His plan for our family:

8 acres (5 pastured and 3 forested), a former goat farm with a barn and several out-buildings, the shop and tractor of my husband's dreams, a house that is not my dream but is solid, well-kept and has much potential, a charming vegetable garden - fully fenced to keep deer out, a long gravel driveway (how quaint is the crunch of gravel under tires!), 6 apple trees, 2 pear trees, a plum tree and cherry tree

All of this is ours, including the cows, and if the neighbor's bull has done his job this past month, we will have two calves in late spring. Don't worry Mama Cows, I've purchased our very own copy of Storey's Guide to Raising Beef Cattle and there is a whole chapter on calving. I'm sure we'll be fine...       

People ask me if either Caleb or I have farm experience or if we grew up on property. That draws a resounding, "NO! NONE!" And to tell the truth, I'm not really an "animal person". I grew up with cats and got my first dog after Caleb and I married. I have struggled to love her because she is so very naughty. At 13, her life appears to be winding down and I am at peace with that. (It's been a long 13 years - don't judge!) But I really do want to change and grow in this aspect because I believe I have much to learn about my Creator from living life alongside His creation, specifically, the animals He has provided for our survival and sustenance. My attitude towards animals reminds me of something CS Lewis said in The Aboliton of Man about his feelings toward children:

“I, myself, do not enjoy the society of small children . . .

 I recognize this as a defect in myself—just as a man may

 have to recognize that he is tone deaf or colour blind.” 

I do believe it is a defect in me, and hopefully God will help change my heart and enable me to take exceptional care of the animals He entrusts us with. And more to the point, that I would do so with a "happy heart", as I so often encourage in my kids. 

The Dreamgiver is on the move and we are following. Two weeks from now, we will be loading up the truck and heading just 10 minutes south. But when we unload the truck we will be stepping in to a completely different way of life. I know the learning curve will be steep (I just hope all animals survive the learning process), I know the wallpaper is really ugly, I know I will fret over that infamous calving scene from City Slickers way too often, but we are SO excited!!! 

  

  

On the Move, Part I

I have been considering a resurrection of the blog because, once again, I sense the Dreamgiver is on the move. I know in my 6 month silence I have lost any faithful followers I may have had. But I trust you will find me again, or, if not, that I at least will benefit from the time spent here. Writing is good for my soul. It helps me sift through facts and feelings and settle on truth. It is a tangible way to document the Lord's goodness in my life, and once on paper, it is irrevocable and anchors deep within me. So I will write for my edification and His pleasure. But if you are here with me as well, WELCOME!

6 Months Home with Rosalie Faith

Who is this girl? She is certainly not the same 12 pound baby I last shared with you. We have spent the past 6 months learning about her, taking her to many, many appointments, helping her recover from surgery, falling in love with her, teaching her new things, and watching her fully become a part of our family. There have been discouragements, but many more victories, which I can only attribute to the power of prayer. I am so thankful for the way God has brought us through each and every step and challenge with her. She is still a wee thing (after 6 months, she's finally outgrowing her 3-6 month clothes - yay!), but proportionate and healthy. I'll never forget the day I held her on my lap in church and teared up because she had little rolls on her arms. Of course, now there is no holding her in chuch because she is much too loud and active. She is crawling and getting into drawers and cupboards. We have overcome huge hurdles related to her mouth and she is now putting everything in there (including food - Thank you, God!). I never thought I'd be relieved to have to worry about Legos on the floor, but I am!   

Are you wondering how we've bonded? Is she attached to me? YES, VERY! It has been a beautiful thing to experience going from being just another set of friendly arms that she would gladly go to (but she would go to anyone) to being the ONE and ONLY Mama.

 I love this girl. She has become a true daughter and I praise God for letting it be so.

And what do the 3 Amigos think about her?

They adore her! I still have to referee fights daily over who gets to play with her and Britton often says, "I'm glad Rosalie is my sister," and just today he said, "When I was playing with Rosie just now, she really felt like my sister." His comment reminds me what a process this whole experience has been and that there is no shame in that. Some things cannot be rushed and that is okay. My children have been more intuitively at peace with that than I. It has been humbling to witness them, at times when my patience is failing, show more grace and love than I feel capable of giving in the moment. "And a little child shall lead them..." has become a familiar refrain in my life. 

Rosalie has journeyed long and hard in her first 17 months. This little girl is a fighter, but mostly she is a lover, and that amazes me. I am praying her path becomes smooth and straight, but at least now, whatever comes, she will never journey alone.   

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;    

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

~Lamentations 3:22-23

The Journey Begins

I have never intended to be a serial blogger and had just planned to blog during the adoption process or, as I've called it in my mind, the "adoption journey". But really, I'm realizing that the journey is just now beginning. We have our whole lives ahead of us with this precious girl. I can't get my mind around the enormity of it all, the miracle of how she came to be a Williams, the fact that God reached down and said, "No! I will not leave this one an orphan," and that He called Caleb and I to be her Mommy and Daddy. It's too much to comprehend. It takes my breath away and leaves a lump in my throat and I don't often have the time or energy to dwell on it's magnitude. So I have tried to just live in the moment and trust that as the story unfolds, I will have ample opportunity to ponder the mysteries and beauty of God's divine plan and glimpse new views of His love and grace. Already, I have learned so much.

Rosalie Faith is doing amazingly well. I could not have imagined a smoother transition (after the first week of sickness and jet lag). She is so sweet and content. She smiles at anyone who looks at her and endears herself to everyone she meets. As the receptionist at the doctor's office said, "She's so cute, I just can't stop looking at her." She truly is irresistible. She has the deepest belly laugh you've ever heard on a baby. It is contagious. She is very inquisitive. Every day we witness new skills and milestones, hear new sounds, coos, and shrieks of happiness coming from her. Her personality is beginning to shine. She is eating a lot and has already gained weight.

The kids adore her and fight over who gets to "play" with her, (which usually just means shaking a rattle in her face or making her laugh with silly antics). Rosalie was immediately embraced into the folds of the family, both immediate and extended. She is a Williams. It feels natural. It feels right. I look at my little entourage and cannot believe that I have four children. How did this happen??  I'm sure the reality will set in tomorrow when I take them all to Costco for the first time by myself :-)

I think this blog may be wrapping up for a while. It has been a blessing for me to share our story with you and I thank you for caring enough to read. So, until the Dreamgiver reveals His next dream...
  

"To Him who is able to do immeasurably more 

than all we ask or imagine, 

according to His power that is at work within us, 

to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus 

throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen."  

Ephesians 3:20-21

Home Sweet Home, Part IV

Homecoming

And I thought I might not cry at our reunion...

The second I caught sight of these little faces waiting at the end of the long corridor, tears started streaming down my face and when I reached them, I held them tight against me and breathed in their sweet scent. Oh, how I had missed them!

This baby girl had literally been awake for 24 hours (aside from 2 one-hour naps) and she still had smiles for everyone.  She was completely charming and mesmerized by her new family.  (I am declining to write about the trip home because it was long and grueling and I don't want to dwell on it).

Elisabeth was immediately in big-sister mode.
Here, Gramma Paulette is holding
 Rosalie and Elisabeth is playing peekaboo.

Auntie Jen

Brothers with their new baby sister

Gramma Teri and the Fabulous Four

Settling In

This first week home has been one of those times when life doesn't quite live up to what is expected. (No complaining, just sharing honestly.) 

Expectation:  We would arrive home Thursday, rest up for a couple of days, and then have a great weekend as a new family of six and proceed to regular life.

Reality:   I came home sick, have left the house once in the past nine days (aside from a trip to Urgent Care and taking Rosalie to the doctor, which I don't count), the jet lag has been horrible, and Rosalie caught my virus and has slept so much that we have hardly seen her.

When I say Rosalie has been sleeping, I mean she has been awake for only 1-2 hours per day. And the first few days she was crying whenever she was awake. Besides intense throat pain, her two front teeth had broken through, and then I finally discovered I was giving her only 1/5 the amount of ibuprofin she could take. My throat hurt so badly I had to take a full dose every six hours or the pain was unbearable. I felt so bad! Poor baby was miserable. We hardly remembered the happy, smiley girl we returned home with, but we are finally starting to see glimpses of her again. 

We have all been disappointed, particularly the kids, to have seen and played with her so little. We have told visitors to not bother coming over because she won't be awake. The past two days she has had two wakeful periods each day that have lasted a bit longer. Although yesterday she went down for a "nap" at 2 and we had to wake her to feed her at 9, and then put her right back to bed for the rest of the night.

I have a few thoughts on Rosalie's seemingly excessive amount of sleep:
* She arrived home with a serious sleep deficit.
* She is sick.
* She is emotionally exhausted (which leads to physical exhaustion) from all the transition in her life.
* We received information about her daily schedule when she was 4 months old and again before we got her at 10 months. I was shocked by how little sleep time she had. As a mom who has had three children pass through those stages, I have a good idea of the general amount of sleep that a baby needs and it is much more than they were reporting she gets. Maybe she is finally able to make her own schedule and is getting the amount she needs to grow and thrive? It's only speculation, but I pray it's true.

I've heard babies grow the most while they sleep. Rosalie is now eating as much as she wants, whenever she wants, so I'm hoping her body is using this time to GROW.  Whatever the reasons (probably a combination of the above), I am thankful she has been able to crash in a peaceful place because she obviously needs it.

As I said, we are gradually seeing more of her, and the kids are very "attentive" anytime she is awake (read: in her face with smiles, rattles, paper airplanes, tickles, etc.) We did start the Williams' Academy back up this week and are looking forward to restored health (Elisabeth has the virus now), upcoming sunny weather, celebrating Easter, and fully integrating Rosalie into the Williams Family.          

Home Sweet Home, Part III

Getting to know Rosie:

After having Rosalie placed in our arms, we spent the rest of the trip getting to know her, trying to figure out her preferences and enjoying her sweet temperment. We struggled with getting her to eat the first few days, which is worrisome in a 12 lb baby. Because she is so young, I thought she would absorb the change and transition seamlessly, and overall she has, but I think her refusing to eat was just a byproduct of all that was going on in her life. I had to step back and realize that, aside from having surgery in a hospital, she had never been outside of her orphanage, not to play, not to look at the sky or the trees, and she had spent most of her life on her back in her crib.  Now here we are, two very strange looking people, galavanting around a city of 10 million people, holding her all the time and showering her with attention. Predictability is comforting and even a change for the better can be difficult. However, each day her eating has improved and she has always slept very soundly. She remains as sweet as the day we got her. 


Everywhere we went, I wore her turned in towards me in my Ergo carrier.  She constantly stared up at my face, gazed into my eyes, and we bonded very quickly. She likes Caleb as well, but if she is upset, she will reach for me, which makes my mama-heart smile.  If Caleb or I are holding her on our laps, she will occasionally look up to see who's got her and then check to see where her other person is.  She loves to smile and she cooed and laughed at all the buses and trees and lights that caught her eye as we walked about.  Every morning I would peek into her crib to get her up and say, "It's still us!"  And so it will be, always.

The People:

The greatest joy, aside from bringing home Rosalie, was getting to know the other families who were in China with us. There were ten  families with our agency, Holt International, but we also met several families from other agencies as well.  Families came from states all over the country, were of varying ages and all had different reasons for adopting. A few were like us, adding children to their families after having biological children, a few had adopted before, and several were becoming parents for the first time.

The dear couple (right) we traveled with the whole two weeks (their son was in the same province as Rosalie) were in their mid 40s and were just realizing their dream of becoming parents.  (Yes, we're eating Papa John's and after two weeks of Chinese food, it was SO good!)  

I must share with you this most inspiring story: Kathy and Skip have five grown children and must be at least 60.  Their grown daughter is adopting from China and Kathy was (in her own words) trying to run her daughter's life by finding a child for her on the waiting children list. She saw two 11 year-old foster brothers who had to be adopted together and she said to Skip on a Friday, "I think we should adopt these boys.  You have until Sunday to decide".  And he agreed. (This couple is hilarious!) The boys have been foster brothers for seven years and both have repaired cleft lip and palate.  However, one of the boy's repair was so poorly done that he can't speak.  These boys will be released to a bleak future at the age of 16 and are nearing the point of becoming un-adoptable. However, they are very attached to their foster mom and Skip and Kathy came to China knowing that the boys may decide at the last minute that they didn't want to return to the U.S. with them.

But that didn't happen. And we got to watch their blossoming relationship for a whole week.  Apparently, 11 year old boys are energetic and squirely in any culture and it delighted our hearts (and we had many chuckles) watching these new parents corral and wrangle these very active and enthusiastic boys who spoke little English, but were so very excited to be beginning a new life.  I can't wait to watch their stories unfold! And I pray that I might know such selflessness as Skip and Kathy are showing at an age where it would be very easy for them to justify not taking this challenge on.                    

The Process:

I have spent just about zero words on the logistics of this process because to me, that is so unimportant  (in the big picture) and I know I only have your attention for so long :-)  Yet, there was paperwork, document signings, paperwork, exchange of funds, passports, paperwork, visas, medical exams and oath taking ceremonies. And all of that while in China!  I won't mention all that occurred in the six months before we were matched with Rosalie and the five months after.  I do want to say that I would use Holt International again in a heartbeat. Based out of Eugene, they have been working in China for 20 years and are very well respected.  They have 25 staff people in China and when a glitch occurred (and there were several -  our daughter not arriving, for instance) they were able to take care of things, using their relationships with government officials and their good reputation to keep things moving smoothly.  They partner with Lotus Travel who took care of all in-country flights, transportation, hotels and sight seeing and it really was like a vacation.            


I can't talk about logistics and not mention Caleb.  He truly allowed me to be the "new mommy", taking care of all paperwork, documents, bottle making (tricky when you can't drink the water - after much trial and error, he discovered the perfect ratio was 1 part boiled water to 3 parts room temperature bottled water), trips to 7-11 for said bottled water and dried sweet potatoes (I must find these in the U.S.), and all other matters of a practical nature.  I am so thankful for him and his servant heart.


And I need not say how worth it it all was.

Those Eyes

That Smile

Every good and perfect gift is from above,

 coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, 

who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17